About a week ago I found out that the governor had granted my request for a pardon. I had thought about what I might say if the day ever came, and now, I’m not sure what to say, other than “Thank you.” Thank you, God. Thank you, Governor Stitt. And there’s so many other people to thank, the members of the Pardon and Parole Board, my family, especially my children and my parents, my attorney, Michael Risely, my pastor, all those who have prayed for me, and for my kids over the last almost 17 years, and so many more people who took a chance on me and believed in me.
Even as I find myself thinking about dreams that I dared not even hope for, it still doesn’t quite seem real. I keep checking to make it’s real. And I’m brought to tears.
I think I have a tiny bit more understanding of what it means to be forgiven by God. The most emotional and important part of the certificate of pardon, for me, is the sentence that ends with the phrase, “…do hereby grant Carl D. Hamman a full pardon to restore unto him all the rights of citizenship.” If God were to hand us a certificate of pardon, it might read, “…do hereby grant Carl D. Hamman a full pardon to restore unto him all the rights of citizenship, and a son.” In both cases, I have an obligation to strive to be a good citizen. God commands it.
There are a few things that had to take place before I could receive a pardon. First, of course, is I had to be convicted. I had to serve my sentence. I had to accept my guilt. I also had to not commit any other crimes, both while completing my sentence, and after my sentence was complete. Finally, I had to ask for a pardon, following the proscribed procedure. Then wait.
Of course God does not make us wait for His pardon. The Holy Spirit convicts us. But, He doesn’t require that we first serve our sentence. Jesus Christ already served our sentence on the cross. But, we do have to accept our guilt, and confess our sins, and repent. God grants immediate forgiveness, without making us prove ourselves first. By the way, true repentance means we stop sinning.
As I contemplate what will I do with my new life, post pardon, I am reminded that we all have to answer that same question with God. What will I do with my new life in Christ?
What will you do with yours? Are you ready to receive your pardon?
Tag: repent
I plead the blood of Jesus
Eight days ago I got sick enough that I broke down and actually called for an ambulance to take me to the nearest emergency room. On the one hand, I was certain it was nothing more than a horrible case of gas. But at the same time I felt like I was about to die. So, after several hours of not being able to get comfortable, and no relief, I caved in to both my fear, and my training. From my paramedic training, I knew the signs and symptoms were consistent with gall bladder problems, or potentially a heart attack. But that didn’t change my mind, that it surely was just going to be nothing more than gas. I chose to ignore the facts. The ER doctor examined me, ordered tests that verified his diagnosis, and forced me to accept the truth.
From the emergency room I was admitted to the hospital. I was told that most likely I would have surgery first thing in the morning. Now I was really scared. I hate to admit it, but I was actually frightened. As part of my paramedic training I had spent some time in the operating room. I know the doctors and nurses in there are well trained professionals. But when it comes to trusting someone else with my life, I have a very difficult time with that.
Maybe worse, was not knowing exactly when I was going to have surgery. The surgical resident who examined me Monday morning told me it would probably be later in the afternoon. He lied. Sometime around 10:30 or 11:00, I think, they came to take me down to be prepped for surgery. The only notification I really had time to make before being taken from my room was to go on Facebook with my phone and just post a quick status, “going under the knife, now.” I found out later one of my daughters saw that and may have freaked out just a bit. (Note to self, try harder to avoid freaking the kids out. )
The whole time I kept wondering if I had really done enough. Was I really good enough? What if I did die? What would my kids remember most? Did I really give them a good foundation for faith? To be honest, these questions frequently haunt me. But one overriding thought kept answering those questions. I had accepted Christ as Lord and Savior at boys camp, a long time ago. As I was finally being wheeled to the operating room, I felt like God was asking, “How do you plead?” My sole response, “I plead the blood. I plead the blood, of Jesus.” My final conscious thought, was “no matter what, I plead the blood of Jesus.”
What truly frightens me, is the possibility of arriving to judgement day, and seeing loved ones who never made a commitment to Christ while they had a chance. Ultimately, on judgement day, we only have two options available: to kneel, and be found guilty; or to kneel, and plead the blood of Christ. Today is the day of salvation. Which option do you choose?
But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. (1 John 1:7-9, NLTse)
Confession of an adulterous, murdering king
Hi. I have been known by many titles: shepherd, warrior, king, man after God’s own heart. Truth be told, though, the labels adulterer, thief and murderer also described me. I definitely wasn’t always good at seeking after God’s heart. In fact, as much as I wanted to please God, I often lived to please myself.
In fact, I have to confess what may be my biggest indiscretion. One evening I was up on the roof of my palace and I glanced next door and saw the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen, bathing. Well, instead of being a gentleman and thinking with my brain, and my heart, I allowed myself to become a walking hormone. Once she caught my eye, I was hooked. I mean, in my defense, she was H-O-T, HOT. I knew I should have looked away and not looked back, but I couldn’t help myself. Honestly, if I had been out on the battlefield with my army, as I should have, I would not have found myself in this predicament, but my advisors assured me that my presence wasn’t needed. So I stayed behind. And at that moment, I was very happy that I had stayed at the palace.
Well, anyway, I’m just staring, watching this gorgeous babe. Even if it had been available, she did not need any type of plastic surgery. Like far too many guys, I quit thinking with my brain. I think all the blood rushed away from my brain, honestly. I just had have her. I saw her and I knew what I wanted. I just had to be with her. So I asked some of the palace staff about her. To be honest, I really don’t think I paid attention to anything other than her name, Bathsheba. Beautiful, gorgeous, lovely Bathsheba. I think someone might have said something about her being married, but I really wasn’t paying attention to that part. Nor did I really care. I sent for her immediately.
Well, she came to the palace and I wined her and dined her. And yep, you guessed it, we spent the night together. What a night. Well in the morning, she went back to her place, and I was just on cloud nine, and all was well. And, I was pretty sure I had gotten away with it. That is, until she sent word several days later that she was pregnant.
Pregnant?! How in the world did that happen? Oh no! And there was definitely no way I could pull a Bill Clinton, and claim “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” My deed was about to be exposed. Man I couldn’t let that happen. After all I’m the king. I can’t even just marry her, because she’s already married; to one of my most loyal warriors?! Yep, she was the wife of one of my most trusted and faithful warriors, Uriah, the Hittite. I had to think, and fast.
So, I did what any smart leader in my position would do. I decided a plan that was fool proof. I figured all I needed was for Uriah to spend some quality time with his wife and, no more problem. In fact, I would be able to congratulate Uriah on the birth of his baby. So, I sent for Uriah, under the pretense of wanting him to bring me word from the battlefield. When he arrived I listened carefully to his report. The very next thing I did was to send him home. Whew, problem solved, right? Well, I thought so, until the next morning. Remember how I said he was one of my most loyal warriors? Yeah, he was too loyal. He slept in the palace courtyard by the gate. I was like, you’ve got to be kidding me. So I ordered him to go home and sleep with his wife, and enjoy her company. I even tried getting him drunk. Even drunk he was loyal to me. Man, what is wrong with him? If I had been away from my wife that long a team of wild horses couldn’t have kept me away from her. But not Uriah. He insisted that as long as the ark and the armies of Israel and Judah were sleeping in tents in the field, that he would never go to his own home and sleep with his wife. This guy was just too loyal.
Well, I had to think quick, again. So I relented, and sent him back to the front. But I included a note to my commander, Joab. I told Joab to put Uriah at the front, where the fighting would be the most fierce, and to suddenly pull back so that Uriah would be killed.
Joab did as I commanded. Unfortunately, Uriah wasn’t the only one killed. I actually lost several good men that day. But most importantly, my secret was now safe. As soon as she was done mourning, I married Bathsheba. Shortly after we were married, she gave birth to our son. Wow, now I was lucky enough to be married to the most gorgeous woman in the world, and she gave me a son. And best of all, no one would ever know what had really happened.
Not. So. Fast. You see, not long after our son was born, the prophet, Nathan, showed up. He told me about a rich farmer who had plenty of land, crops, flocks and herds. This rich farmer had a neighbor who was really poor. The poor man had one lamb, that was really more like a pet. Actually, it was more like a beloved member of the poor man’s family. Some of you can relate, I’m sure. I’ve seen how some people treat their pets like a member of the family. I mean this man even let the lamb eat from his own plate.
Well, it seems that one day this rich farmer wanted to throw a banquet for a guest, but he didn’t want to use an animal from his own flock or herd. So he took the poor man’s lamb, killed it and prepared and served it to his guest. I was so furious when I heard this that I immediately declared that the rich man deserved to die. Then Nathan looked me in the eyes and he proclaimed “You are that man!”
What?! Nathan proceeded to remind me of all the Lord had given me. And I stole another man’s wife, to satisfy my own lust. Then, to hide my sin I murdered him. When I confessed, Nathan told me the Lord had forgiven me, and that I would not die. But my son whom Bathsheba had given birth to would die.
Soon after Nathan left our son fell deathly ill. I prayed, and fasted, and begged God to spare our son. I knew how much his mother loved him, and my heart ached for her too. In spite of all of my begging and pleading, God carried out His judgement. My sin and my attempts to cover it up had caused several deaths, and much grieving. Oh, how I suddenly wished I could undo my sin. And the problems my family suffered because of my own sin. My family was in turmoil the rest of my days. It is not a pleasant story at all. One of my sons raped his sister, and another tried to steal my throne. It’s pretty difficult, if not downright impossible to tell your children how to behave and serve the Lord when you, their father, don’t live and act as you know you’re suppose to.
There have been attempts by many to try lessen my guilt of my sin of lust. In fact one Jewish tradition has it that what really happened that day on the roof was that Satan took the form of a bird and in my attempt to kill the bird, I missed and knocked over the privacy screen that had been set up. Others have tried to say that Bathsheba should have refused. But folks, I am here to tell you that I alone am responsible for my sin. I didn’t have to take that second look. I didn’t have to continue to stare and lust and scheme. I alone sent for her. I alone am responsible. Not to mention, would you have had the courage to tell the king “No”? And I alone plotted the murder of a most trusted servant, which also took the lives of several other good men.
I was an adulterer, a thief, and a murderer. But the most amazing thing is that there was still hope. When I repented, God forgave me. And in spite of my sin, and because of my repentance, God still used my relationship with Bathsheba for his glory. She later gave birth to my son, Solomon. He was the one the Lord had chosen to succeed me, and to build His temple.
It’s amazing how the Lord works. Even the most wicked can be redeemed, if only we repent and commit to following His way. If God could forgive my sin, then he will forgive any sin. All you have to do is repent and commit to following His commands.
To be sure, our actions do have natural consequences, and God seldom, if ever, relieves us of those consequences. But He does, when we repent, and follow Him, relieve us of the ultimate consequence of sin…an eternity in hell. Instead, because His Son, Jesus, paid the price of our sin by His death on the cross our sins are forgiven. Of course, His resurrection also gives us the assurance and hope of eternal life. We are now joint heirs with Christ. We are adopted as sons and daughters of the King. The Creator of the universe is our father. So please, leave your sin behind. Turn and follow after Christ. There is new life in Him. He has promised to forgive us, of only we confess sins to Him. And He’ll give us His Holy Spirit to guide us, and to help lead us away from temptation. Temptation will always find us as some point. But God gives us His Holy Spirit to show us a way out. And to show us the way back when we do sin.