Tag: pain

Forgive me for being ungrateful

/ CD Hamman / Leave a comment

As I reflect on today I realize how ungrateful I can be sometimes. I woke up, and forgot to be thankful; until I found out one of our drivers didn’t wake up this morning. I didn’t know Ken personally. But I knew him through our company Facebook page. From his posts, and comments made by other drivers, and corporate employees, I have to say he was a great man, and he will be greatly missed. My prayers, and deepest condolences to Ken’s family and friends. May God comfort them, and give them peace.

Later on I found myself complaining about my back, and about the things that I can’t do right now. Suddenly, I remembered that the accident that injured my back could have been so much worse, and caused so much more damage. And I also realized that my body is healing. I’m just healing slower than I would like. But, Praise the Lord, I AM healing, and making progress.

In addition, I am still useful, and productive. Yes, there are activities that I hope to be able to do again. And I know that I will. I have to continue to let my body heal, at God’s pace, not mine.

So before I fall asleep tonight, I must give thanks to my Heavenly Father, who created me, and reminds me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. The human body, and the mind, is a delicate balance between strength and fragility. Lord, thank you. Thank for the healing. Thank you for the pain than let’s me know that I’m alive, as well as let’s me know that I am healing. Please forgive me for being ungrateful. Please provide comfort and peace to the families and friends of those the world has lost, today.

A time to weep…

/ CD Hamman / Leave a comment

The other morning I was told about a family who’s one year old son passed away after a week long battle. I don’t really know the family, yet I find myself crying and heartbroken, as though we were close friends or family. My heart is breaking for the parents and grandparents of this little boy.

I am reminded of some questions that I have for God. This family prayed, as did their church, and their pastor, and many others around the country. Why didn’t all of these prayers seem to make a difference? Why was God’s answer to these prayers for full recovery the complete opposite of what was being asked? Why bother with the brief miracle of keeping this little boy alive for a week just to take him from his parents’ loving arms anyway? What was the point of people praying just for God to take this little boy anyway? Does God really care? And many other questions that I fear to give voice to. To be honest, I asked these or similar questions right after the May 20 tornados when we found out 7 children in Moore died, and I keep coming back to them from time to time, especially in the face of tragedy.

I know the nice, “churchy” and religious answers. You know, the cliché responses like: “He’s in a better place.” “She’s not in pain.” “He’s completely healed now.” “God needed her back.” And let’s not forget what is possibly one of the most cliché response we in the church frequently pop off with, Romans 8:28, “All things work together for good, for those who love the Lord.” But, I find these well intentioned responses to be unsatisfying. They don’t really seem to bring comfort in times of trouble and questions.

So I scream out, demanding that the Almighty answer me. I need to hear God in these times. God, you owe me, and the rest of us answers! You owe my friends some answers! We want to understand. We want to see the big picture. We want to trust you, but we need answers!

And in the midst of all my questioning, and demanding answers from God, there is a constant, quiet presence, and another persistent barrage of new questions, possibly not unlike Job’s conversation with God: “Who are you to question me?” “Are you God?” “What have you created on your own?” “Can you control the beasts of the fields, and of the oceans?” “Do you hold the power over life and death in your hands?” My answer is a simple, weak “No, but…” and before I can even really express the “but” I am stopped.

I am reminded that I am not God. But that as lowly as we are, God feels our pain. He holds our tears. And I am reminded that He gave His Son for us. And Christ also experienced the same pain we feel. When Lazarus died, it is recorded that “Jesus wept.” Of course, in my infinite human wisdom, I quickly respond, “But Jesus also raised Lazarus from the dead, immediately. He didn’t have to weep for long.” And I hear, “My child, be still. Know that I am God. I hold your tears. I know your pain. I feel the pain of your brothers and sisters. I know my children are weeping. But I have not left them alone. I have allowed others to share in their pain with them, so that it may be bearable; so that they may not be crushed.”

To my friends who have lost their little boy: I have no magic words to ease your pain. And I offer no pious words. I simply weep with you. My heart is broken with yours. Finally, please also know that you are being lifted up to our Heavenly Father.

The price of infidelity

/ CD Hamman / Leave a comment

Have you ever wondered how God feels when we reject Him? Or maybe even worse, when we who profess to be his people turn away from Him? One day I realized I have probably felt, as close as humanly possible, the pain that He feels when we are unfaithful to Him.

Being rejected by people is painful enough. Being rejected by people you love is even worse. But what about the rejection a spouse? Can you imagine the pain of that type of rejection and insult. Sadly, there are many of us who have experienced that pain. Now, please understand, I am not sharing this to elicit pity for myself or any other person who has experienced the pain of marital unfaithfulness. I simply believe that God has allowed me to use my experience to understand how much He truly loves us and desires a relationship with us.

It has been several years since I divorced my ex-wife. But I still remember clearly the pain that I felt when I first suspected she was cheating, as well as that when I found out for certain. It was actually the same feeling for me, but the difference was the intensity of the physical and emotionoal response.

Sadly, there are others who have experienced this pain, and their experiences are no doubt different. But I think we would all agree that there is almost nothing as painful as infidelity.

I’ll try to describe own pain. First there was this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn’t quite right. Most of us have heard the term “butterflies in the stomach,” I’m sure. Well in the case of infidelity, for me, it felt like blenders, or electric mixers had been turned on inside my stomach and were turning it inside out. Then there’s the rush of adrenaline, due, no doubt, to the human bodies built in “fight or flight” response. Of course that rush of adrenaline leads to many other physical responses. Then there is the sudden stabbing pain I felt in my heart and in my spirit. Finally a type of physical and emotional fatigue set in. The woman to whom I had pledged my love, and had given my heart had betrayed me. It crushed my spirit. It truly hurt me to the core.

Now I am not naive enough to think that any of the pain we experience comes anywhere close to the pain that God feels when we reject or walk away from Him. I can only imagine that the pain our sin causes Him is a million times worse.

Remember when I said above that there is almost nothing as painful as infidelity? Well there is a pain that is indescribably worse; there is the pain of having your child ripped away. I have experienced the pain of having my children ripped away from me. I cannot begin to describe that pain. As painful as having my children ripped from the safety of my home and arms was, the only thing I imagine can be more painful is losing my child to death.

Now I have not experienced that pain caused by the death of one of my children. And my heart goes out to those who have. But I also know that our Heavenly Father has experienced both of the pains I have experienced, as well as the pain of a Son’s death.

There is a reason that at times He refers to Israel as a wayward wife who has left her first love. There is a reason that our relationship to Christ is described in terms of marriage. God desires an intimate relationship with us, his people. We were created for that relationship and fellowship with Him. But too often we reject Him. Even worse, we often, even after we turn to Him, return to satisfying our selfish desires instead of fulfilling our vow to God. We caused Him to experience the pain of having an unfaithful spouse. Our sin caused Him to experience the pain of losing His only Son, even to the point of death. The death of a mere human could never satisfy the debt of our sin. So the Son, Jesus Christ, stepped forward.

I can only imagine that the conversation went something like this:
The Son said, “I’ll go. I will give up my own glory, and live among them. I will show them the way to live. I will be their example. Finally, I will pay the penalty for their sin. I will even suffer the indignity and humiliation of death on a cross.”
And the Father replied, “my Son, go. Stay in constant communion with me, so that my power will remain in you that you may bring me glory. Your death will satisfy the penalty for their sin. As you take their sin upon yourself on that cross I will have to look away, because I cannot look at sin. But after three days I will raise you back to life, and you will again be glorified. Your resurrection will defeat death once and for all. After you return to my side I will send my Holy Spirit to comfort and guide them. They will again be capable of enjoying eternal fellowship with us.”

So I have just two questions:
If you have not yet accepted Christ as Lord and Savior, will you now turn from your sin and accept the free gift He has given, or will you continue to reject Him.

If you have previously accepted Christ as Lord and Savior, but have since turned away, will you return to One who loves you to the point He gave up His own life for you; or will you continue in your infidelity?