Tag: marriage

I thought marriage was suppose to be permanent

/ CD Hamman / Leave a comment

I was discussing this idea of marriage being a permanent commitment the other day when I had a thought. Ephesians 5:21-33 came to mind.

In this passage, we find instructions to husbands and wives what it takes for a marriage to work. The key appears to be found in the word “submit.” Verse 21 kicks off this passage with the command to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Bottom line: It takes both people submitting to each other and to God.

I’ll bet you’re thinking that there is no way I am going to bow down and submit to anyone. But please hear me out. Also, please read the passage for yourself in its entirety.

Back to this word, submit. Most people, especially men, are very familiar with verses 22 and 23, where wives are told to submit to their husbands, and the husband is the head of the wife. But, men, did you actually read all of those two verses? Wives are told to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. And that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.

Now, a little further on, we see what all this really means. Guys, are you truly willing to love your wife as Christ loved the church? Are you willing to give up your life for her? You see, gentleman, you need to give your wife a reason to trust you enough that she will feel safe submitting to you.

Wives, can I ask, are you respecting your husband? Do you behave in a way that helps them to trust you so much that they are encouraged and willing to love you as Christ loved the church? Do you encourage him? Do you pray for him?

So we are back to this idea of submitting to each other. What exactly does this mean? Well, I’m glad you asked, because I have a few ideas. Pray for each other, and pray with each other. Communicate. This means talking to each other. Work together to come to solutions to problems. Be faithful. Lift each other up. Look for opportunities to show love. Encourage each other. Make your home a safe and loving environment.

Submitting to each other does NOT mean accepting abusive behaviors. Abuse, of any kind, should never be tolerated or accepted. The same goes for unfaithfulness. These are unacceptable behaviors. They have no place in any relationship. And they definitely have no place among God’s people. Nowhere in scripture do I find a command to remain in such situations.

Finally, in verse 33, we read that each man must LOVE his wife, and the wife must respect her husband. So give each other a reason to love and respect each other.

Bottom line: It takes both people submitting to each other and to God.

Love didn’t win in the supreme court

/ CD Hamman / Leave a comment

The headlines following the supreme court decision to overturn over 200 years of US law and history, and ignore all of human history and God, are spouting that love wins. I’m sorry to break this to you, but love didn’t win. Sin, selfishness, and politics won out in the supreme court. Many have tried to compare the civil rights movement to gay rights. There’s just one problem with that. One does not get to choose the color of his,or her, skin. We also do not get to choose our gender. I don’t care how you mutilate yourself, you cannot change your DNA, therefore you will be whatever gender you were born as, and your skin color will also not chance.

However, we DO get to choose our behaviors, and our lifestyle. Having said that, I’ll also warn you don’t get too comfortable if you think I’m about to jump on the anti-gay bandwagon. Far too often I have witnessed not only sinners refusing to obey God, but many of us in the church also demand to do it our own way.

How many of us harbor hatred toward another? What about gossip? I have heard gossip disguised as prayer requests, but it was nothing less that gossip. Are you honest in your finances, and your business dealings with others? What about in your marriage or dating? Are you faithful to your spouse? If your single, are you remaining sexually pure? Are you lusting after the opposite sex? These are just a few sins that come to mind. I mention these because it seems that we freely shout judgement and condemnation against gays and our government, while ignoring, or excusing our own sins. Worse, we’re so busy condemning them to hell that we seldom, if ever, share the Gospel. Of course, how can we share the Gospel with those who need it if we are busy alienating them, and sending them to hell.

I’m trying to find a balance between warning of the judgement we face, and proclaiming the great mercy of God that is available to us. As I ponder this, the story of Jonah comes to mind. It seems to me his true reason for trying to refuse to go to Nineveh is revealed toward the end of the story. After proclaiming God’s judgement against the city, Jonah went outside the city to wait and watch. He actually was upset that God spared them when they repented. He even told God, “See, I knew if they repented you would show them mercy.”
Yes, judgement is coming, but how much better to rejoice in His mercy when someone repents.

Yes, 5 justices of the supreme court have made a very bad decision, that flies in the face of history and law. Yes, homosexuality is sin. So are gossip, drunkenness, lust, greed, lying, and adultery. But love still wins in the end. God’s love for us, and his mercy, if only we will repent, turn away from sin, all sin, and follow Him. How much greater impact would we have if we love each other enough to actually share the Gospel with others, and live it out. While we’re at it, remember to pray. Pray for each other, pray for family and friends, and pray for our government.

Final thought, God doesn’t hate any person. But he does hate sin. Our sin grieves him deeply. He’s just waiting for each person to accept Christ and turn from sin. If He didn’t love us he would not have sent his only son to pay the penalty. No one has to remain bound to sin. Jesus died to pay the penalty, and he rose again so that in the end we can be with him for eternity.

The price of infidelity

/ CD Hamman / Leave a comment

Have you ever wondered how God feels when we reject Him? Or maybe even worse, when we who profess to be his people turn away from Him? One day I realized I have probably felt, as close as humanly possible, the pain that He feels when we are unfaithful to Him.

Being rejected by people is painful enough. Being rejected by people you love is even worse. But what about the rejection a spouse? Can you imagine the pain of that type of rejection and insult. Sadly, there are many of us who have experienced that pain. Now, please understand, I am not sharing this to elicit pity for myself or any other person who has experienced the pain of marital unfaithfulness. I simply believe that God has allowed me to use my experience to understand how much He truly loves us and desires a relationship with us.

It has been several years since I divorced my ex-wife. But I still remember clearly the pain that I felt when I first suspected she was cheating, as well as that when I found out for certain. It was actually the same feeling for me, but the difference was the intensity of the physical and emotionoal response.

Sadly, there are others who have experienced this pain, and their experiences are no doubt different. But I think we would all agree that there is almost nothing as painful as infidelity.

I’ll try to describe own pain. First there was this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn’t quite right. Most of us have heard the term “butterflies in the stomach,” I’m sure. Well in the case of infidelity, for me, it felt like blenders, or electric mixers had been turned on inside my stomach and were turning it inside out. Then there’s the rush of adrenaline, due, no doubt, to the human bodies built in “fight or flight” response. Of course that rush of adrenaline leads to many other physical responses. Then there is the sudden stabbing pain I felt in my heart and in my spirit. Finally a type of physical and emotional fatigue set in. The woman to whom I had pledged my love, and had given my heart had betrayed me. It crushed my spirit. It truly hurt me to the core.

Now I am not naive enough to think that any of the pain we experience comes anywhere close to the pain that God feels when we reject or walk away from Him. I can only imagine that the pain our sin causes Him is a million times worse.

Remember when I said above that there is almost nothing as painful as infidelity? Well there is a pain that is indescribably worse; there is the pain of having your child ripped away. I have experienced the pain of having my children ripped away from me. I cannot begin to describe that pain. As painful as having my children ripped from the safety of my home and arms was, the only thing I imagine can be more painful is losing my child to death.

Now I have not experienced that pain caused by the death of one of my children. And my heart goes out to those who have. But I also know that our Heavenly Father has experienced both of the pains I have experienced, as well as the pain of a Son’s death.

There is a reason that at times He refers to Israel as a wayward wife who has left her first love. There is a reason that our relationship to Christ is described in terms of marriage. God desires an intimate relationship with us, his people. We were created for that relationship and fellowship with Him. But too often we reject Him. Even worse, we often, even after we turn to Him, return to satisfying our selfish desires instead of fulfilling our vow to God. We caused Him to experience the pain of having an unfaithful spouse. Our sin caused Him to experience the pain of losing His only Son, even to the point of death. The death of a mere human could never satisfy the debt of our sin. So the Son, Jesus Christ, stepped forward.

I can only imagine that the conversation went something like this:
The Son said, “I’ll go. I will give up my own glory, and live among them. I will show them the way to live. I will be their example. Finally, I will pay the penalty for their sin. I will even suffer the indignity and humiliation of death on a cross.”
And the Father replied, “my Son, go. Stay in constant communion with me, so that my power will remain in you that you may bring me glory. Your death will satisfy the penalty for their sin. As you take their sin upon yourself on that cross I will have to look away, because I cannot look at sin. But after three days I will raise you back to life, and you will again be glorified. Your resurrection will defeat death once and for all. After you return to my side I will send my Holy Spirit to comfort and guide them. They will again be capable of enjoying eternal fellowship with us.”

So I have just two questions:
If you have not yet accepted Christ as Lord and Savior, will you now turn from your sin and accept the free gift He has given, or will you continue to reject Him.

If you have previously accepted Christ as Lord and Savior, but have since turned away, will you return to One who loves you to the point He gave up His own life for you; or will you continue in your infidelity?