Tag: love

I thought marriage was suppose to be permanent

/ CD Hamman / Leave a comment

I was discussing this idea of marriage being a permanent commitment the other day when I had a thought. Ephesians 5:21-33 came to mind.

In this passage, we find instructions to husbands and wives what it takes for a marriage to work. The key appears to be found in the word “submit.” Verse 21 kicks off this passage with the command to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Bottom line: It takes both people submitting to each other and to God.

I’ll bet you’re thinking that there is no way I am going to bow down and submit to anyone. But please hear me out. Also, please read the passage for yourself in its entirety.

Back to this word, submit. Most people, especially men, are very familiar with verses 22 and 23, where wives are told to submit to their husbands, and the husband is the head of the wife. But, men, did you actually read all of those two verses? Wives are told to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. And that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.

Now, a little further on, we see what all this really means. Guys, are you truly willing to love your wife as Christ loved the church? Are you willing to give up your life for her? You see, gentleman, you need to give your wife a reason to trust you enough that she will feel safe submitting to you.

Wives, can I ask, are you respecting your husband? Do you behave in a way that helps them to trust you so much that they are encouraged and willing to love you as Christ loved the church? Do you encourage him? Do you pray for him?

So we are back to this idea of submitting to each other. What exactly does this mean? Well, I’m glad you asked, because I have a few ideas. Pray for each other, and pray with each other. Communicate. This means talking to each other. Work together to come to solutions to problems. Be faithful. Lift each other up. Look for opportunities to show love. Encourage each other. Make your home a safe and loving environment.

Submitting to each other does NOT mean accepting abusive behaviors. Abuse, of any kind, should never be tolerated or accepted. The same goes for unfaithfulness. These are unacceptable behaviors. They have no place in any relationship. And they definitely have no place among God’s people. Nowhere in scripture do I find a command to remain in such situations.

Finally, in verse 33, we read that each man must LOVE his wife, and the wife must respect her husband. So give each other a reason to love and respect each other.

Bottom line: It takes both people submitting to each other and to God.

Are your words dehumanizing?

/ CD Hamman / Leave a comment

How do you refer to a prostitute? Do we use words like lot lizard, slut, ho, or skank?

How do you refer to people who are gay? Are we using words like fag, homo, lesbo, or queer.

How about the person asking for money? “Maybe words like bum, lazy, derelict. Maybe even drunk, or addict.

What about immigrants; what words do you use to refer to them? Are words like wetback, rag head, and other derogatory terms a regular part of your vocabulary?

What about that person who just made a really stupid move and cut you off in traffic? Do we come up with words like idiot, moron and others, that if I said, or printed, my mother would wash my mouth out with soap.

I hate to admit it, but I have used many of the above words to refer to people. Did you catch that? Stop and think about if for a minute. These are people. Do terms like lot lizard, faggot, drunk, bum, or idiot make you think of a person? It’s all too easy to use these terms to refer to those we see as less than we are. And that’s just it. Using these words helps us to dehumanize the people in question.

What happens if we see these same people as human? Well, then we have to acknowledge that that prostitute is someone’s daughter, sister, maybe even someone’s mother. There’s even a good chance she may be a victim of human trafficking.

We then also have to acknowledge that the gay guy is someone’s son, brother, or uncle. He might even be someone’s father. Or the lesbian is someone’s daughter, sister, aunt, and just maybe mother.

The same thing for the person asking for money, or the person who cut you off in traffic, and the immigrant. And on and on it goes. They are people.

Why does it matter what words we choose to use? It matters because they are people. If we can ignore their humanity then it becomes easier to treat them badly. Dehumanizing others allows us to excuse mistreatment of others. I would venture to say that the atrocities of the past prove my point. Hitler dehumanized the Jews, those who held slaves saw them as nothing more than chattel to be bought and sold. Of course those are just two examples within the past 200 years, but there are many other examples. More current examples would be terror groups calling people infidels and killing them for not sharing their beliefs, or hate groups who picket funerals of those they deem less than godly declaring that God hates them.

The most important reason that it matters is because Christ died for them too. We can’t reach them for Christ if we fail to see and recognize their humanity.  What distinguishes His people is our love for others. How can we expect people to come to Christ if we who claim He is our Lord and Savior are unloving with our words? Their idea of God will be shaped, at least in part, by how His representatives act, as well as speak.

Love didn’t win in the supreme court

/ CD Hamman / Leave a comment

The headlines following the supreme court decision to overturn over 200 years of US law and history, and ignore all of human history and God, are spouting that love wins. I’m sorry to break this to you, but love didn’t win. Sin, selfishness, and politics won out in the supreme court. Many have tried to compare the civil rights movement to gay rights. There’s just one problem with that. One does not get to choose the color of his,or her, skin. We also do not get to choose our gender. I don’t care how you mutilate yourself, you cannot change your DNA, therefore you will be whatever gender you were born as, and your skin color will also not chance.

However, we DO get to choose our behaviors, and our lifestyle. Having said that, I’ll also warn you don’t get too comfortable if you think I’m about to jump on the anti-gay bandwagon. Far too often I have witnessed not only sinners refusing to obey God, but many of us in the church also demand to do it our own way.

How many of us harbor hatred toward another? What about gossip? I have heard gossip disguised as prayer requests, but it was nothing less that gossip. Are you honest in your finances, and your business dealings with others? What about in your marriage or dating? Are you faithful to your spouse? If your single, are you remaining sexually pure? Are you lusting after the opposite sex? These are just a few sins that come to mind. I mention these because it seems that we freely shout judgement and condemnation against gays and our government, while ignoring, or excusing our own sins. Worse, we’re so busy condemning them to hell that we seldom, if ever, share the Gospel. Of course, how can we share the Gospel with those who need it if we are busy alienating them, and sending them to hell.

I’m trying to find a balance between warning of the judgement we face, and proclaiming the great mercy of God that is available to us. As I ponder this, the story of Jonah comes to mind. It seems to me his true reason for trying to refuse to go to Nineveh is revealed toward the end of the story. After proclaiming God’s judgement against the city, Jonah went outside the city to wait and watch. He actually was upset that God spared them when they repented. He even told God, “See, I knew if they repented you would show them mercy.”
Yes, judgement is coming, but how much better to rejoice in His mercy when someone repents.

Yes, 5 justices of the supreme court have made a very bad decision, that flies in the face of history and law. Yes, homosexuality is sin. So are gossip, drunkenness, lust, greed, lying, and adultery. But love still wins in the end. God’s love for us, and his mercy, if only we will repent, turn away from sin, all sin, and follow Him. How much greater impact would we have if we love each other enough to actually share the Gospel with others, and live it out. While we’re at it, remember to pray. Pray for each other, pray for family and friends, and pray for our government.

Final thought, God doesn’t hate any person. But he does hate sin. Our sin grieves him deeply. He’s just waiting for each person to accept Christ and turn from sin. If He didn’t love us he would not have sent his only son to pay the penalty. No one has to remain bound to sin. Jesus died to pay the penalty, and he rose again so that in the end we can be with him for eternity.

My challenge for 2014

/ CD Hamman / Leave a comment

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. (Colosians 3:12-15 NLTse)

My challenge this year is to put the above passage into practice. What would happen, first in our individual lives, then in our local churches, then in our communities, if each of us who call ourselves Christians would seek to put this passage into practice? If instead of seeking to condemn another person, we simply forgive them. I suspect that there would be a gradual transformation that would spread, and we would become even more effective than ever at reaching those who are lost.
Now, I am certainly not going to claim that this is an easy thing to do. Forgiveness is not for wimps. It’s actually one of the hardest things to do, and even when we manage to forgive, the memories creep up on us when we last expect it. But it is possible. If we will allow the Holy Spirit to work within our hearts, He will transform us into more Christ-like individuals, who are able to share the love that Christ has for is with those whom we may otherwise find unloveable.

Also notice it doesn’t say forgive if the other person asks you to forgive them. It says we are to make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends us. Further, this isn’t a suggestion. It is an order, a command. Paul goes on to say that we must forgive others.

I admit, I have felt some serious conviction over this. Forgiveness does not come easy. But I must. Because God demands it. Because Christ forgave me. And because, if I want peace in my own life, then I have to be willing to let go of the garbage that comes along. It doesn’t say forgive only if the offense was unintentional. And it certainly does not say it’s ok to hold a grudge if the other person purposefully offended you.

Further, it is love which binds us together as believers in Christ. Can you, or I, truly love others if we refuse to forgive? I don’t think so. In fact, I’ll change that to a straight “no, we cannot.” Because when we refuse to forgive we allow our hearts to begin to harden. A hard heart is simply not capable of love, or peace.

Finally, be thankful. When? Always. I’ll be honest, I think Paul was a bit off his rocker here. How am I supposed to be thankful when so much of life gets in the way? You know what I mean. How am I supposed to be thankful when all the bad things like bills, accidents, sickness, death, foreclosures, and disasters seem to be an endless cycle? I have to honest here too, this is also a tough one for me, and probably for many people. But I think I have a solution. Instead of waiting until Thanksgiving to figure out something to be thankful for, think of at least one thing each day. I don’t care how depressed you get, and I am talking from experience, if you ask God to name just one thing that you have to be thankful for, and listen to Him, He will show you several things.

So I think I can sum up this challenge with just a few words: forgive, love, peace, and thankful.

Will you accept this challenge? Or maybe God has a different challenge for you this year. Whatever He asks of us, may our Heavenly Father bless us, and help us to grow stronger in our faith, and in our love for one another this year.

Forgive us, (as we forgive others?)

/ CD Hamman / Leave a comment

Matthew 6:12-15 (NLT) : “…forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one. ‘If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.’”

Most of us are familiar with the Lord’s Prayer. But have you ever really thought about it? This one section is my focus today. Do we realize what these verses mean? I hate to admit it, but there are many times when someone does something and the last thing on my mind is grace and forgiveness. Driving down the road and someone cuts me off, at that moment I am often not thinking of forgiveness. I want to just lay on the horn, and make sure the other driver knows he was just plain wrong.

Fortunately, in those moments the Holy Spirit is always right there to remind me who I am, a child of the Most High God. And it certainly is not because of anything that I have done; simply because of God’s amazing grace and love.

But what if I hold on to the anger and the pain and refuse to forgive? When that happens I have allowed myself to become open to temptation. It is bad enough that satan attacks without our help. But when we open ourselves up to the temptation because of wrong, unforgiving attitudes, I think it becomes easier to rationalize whatever we may then be tempted to do. Not to mention, our refusing to forgive often doesn’t have any effect on the one we are angry with. But holding a grudge can have very serious consequences to our physical, as well as spiritual and mental health. Finally, Jesus makes it very plain that we must forgive others if we expect God to forgive us.

In 1 Corinthians 6:1-11 Paul chastises the Corinthian church for taking each other to court instead of finding some in the church who are wise enough to help settle their disputes. But he goes a bit further and says that they are wrong for even having these lawsuits. He asks them why they don’t just let themselves be cheated; instead they are actually cheating each other. In verses 9-10 Paul describes those who will have no part of God’s kingdom. And it is a pretty extensive list, covering everything from dishonesty to sexual immorality to those who are abusive and those who cheat others. He then reminds them that that is exactly what each one of them was at one time. To be sure, that is exactly what each one of US today was, before we were cleansed and made holy, and made right with God.  When we refuse to forgive others we are exactly like the wicked servant in Matthew 18:23-35 who was forgiven of a great debt, yet then turned around and demanded a much smaller debt owed him by a fellow servant, and could not spare even the smallest bit of grace, in spite of the vast grace and forgiveness he had just received.

So, instead of focusing on the wrongs that have been done to you this week, work on focusing on the abundance of grace and forgiveness that we all have received from God, and be prepared to let it flow from us to others. It is certainly NOT by the grudges that we hold that we are identified as Christ’s. It is the love that we show that the world knows who’s we truly are.

Confession of an adulterous, murdering king

/ CD Hamman / Leave a comment

Hi. I have been known by many titles: shepherd, warrior, king, man after God’s own heart. Truth be told, though, the labels adulterer, thief and murderer also described me. I definitely wasn’t always good at seeking after God’s heart. In fact, as much as I wanted to please God, I often lived to please myself.

In fact, I have to confess what may be my biggest indiscretion. One evening I was up on the roof of my palace and I glanced next door and saw the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen, bathing. Well, instead of being a gentleman and thinking with my brain, and my heart, I allowed myself to become a walking hormone. Once she caught my eye, I was hooked. I mean, in my defense, she was H-O-T, HOT. I knew I should have looked away and not looked back, but I couldn’t help myself. Honestly, if I had been out on the battlefield with my army, as I should have, I would not have found myself in this predicament, but my advisors assured me that my presence wasn’t needed. So I stayed behind. And at that moment, I was very happy that I had stayed at the palace.

Well, anyway, I’m just staring, watching this gorgeous babe. Even if it had been available, she did not need any type of plastic surgery. Like far too many guys, I quit thinking with my brain. I think all the blood rushed away from my brain, honestly. I just had have her. I saw her and I knew what I wanted. I just had to be with her. So I asked some of the palace staff about her. To be honest, I really don’t think I paid attention to anything other than her name, Bathsheba. Beautiful, gorgeous, lovely Bathsheba. I think someone might have said something about her being married, but I really wasn’t paying attention to that part. Nor did I really care. I sent for her immediately.

Well, she came to the palace and I wined her and dined her. And yep, you guessed it, we spent the night together. What a night. Well in the morning, she went back to her place, and I was just on cloud nine, and all was well. And, I was pretty sure I had gotten away with it. That is, until she sent word several days later that she was pregnant.

Pregnant?! How in the world did that happen? Oh no! And there was definitely no way I could pull a Bill Clinton, and claim “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” My deed was about to be exposed. Man I couldn’t let that happen. After all I’m the king. I can’t even just marry her, because she’s already married; to one of my most loyal warriors?! Yep, she was the wife of one of my most trusted and faithful warriors, Uriah, the Hittite. I had to think, and fast.

So, I did what any smart leader in my position would do. I decided a plan that was fool proof. I figured all I needed was for Uriah to spend some quality time with his wife and, no more problem. In fact, I would be able to congratulate Uriah on the birth of his baby. So, I sent for Uriah, under the pretense of wanting him to bring me word from the battlefield. When he arrived I listened carefully to his report. The very next thing I did was to send him home. Whew, problem solved, right? Well, I thought so, until the next morning. Remember how I said he was one of my most loyal warriors? Yeah, he was too loyal. He slept in the palace courtyard by the gate. I was like, you’ve got to be kidding me. So I ordered him to go home and sleep with his wife, and enjoy her company. I even tried getting him drunk. Even drunk he was loyal to me. Man, what is wrong with him? If I had been away from my wife that long a team of wild horses couldn’t have kept me away from her. But not Uriah. He insisted that as long as the ark and the armies of Israel and Judah were sleeping in tents in the field, that he would never go to his own home and sleep with his wife. This guy was just too loyal.

Well, I had to think quick, again. So I relented, and sent him back to the front. But I included a note to my commander, Joab. I told Joab to put Uriah at the front, where the fighting would be the most fierce, and to suddenly pull back so that Uriah would be killed.

Joab did as I commanded. Unfortunately, Uriah wasn’t the only one killed. I actually lost several good men that day. But most importantly, my secret was now safe. As soon as she was done mourning, I married Bathsheba. Shortly after we were married, she gave birth to our son. Wow, now I was lucky enough to be married to the most gorgeous woman in the world, and she gave me a son. And best of all, no one would ever know what had really happened.

Not. So. Fast. You see, not long after our son was born, the prophet, Nathan, showed up. He told me about a rich farmer who had plenty of land, crops, flocks and herds. This rich farmer had a neighbor who was really poor. The poor man had one lamb, that was really more like a pet. Actually, it was more like a beloved member of the poor man’s family. Some of you can relate, I’m sure. I’ve seen how some people treat their pets like a member of the family. I mean this man even let the lamb eat from his own plate.

Well, it seems that one day this rich farmer wanted to throw a banquet for a guest, but he didn’t want to use an animal from his own flock or herd. So he took the poor man’s lamb, killed it and prepared and served it to his guest. I was so furious when I heard this that I immediately declared that the rich man deserved to die. Then Nathan looked me in the eyes and he proclaimed “You are that man!”

What?! Nathan proceeded to remind me of all the Lord had given me. And I stole another man’s wife, to satisfy my own lust. Then, to hide my sin I murdered him.  When I confessed, Nathan told me the Lord had forgiven me, and that I would not die. But my son whom Bathsheba had given birth to would die.

Soon after Nathan left our son fell deathly ill. I prayed, and fasted, and begged God to spare our son. I knew how much his mother loved him, and my heart ached for her too. In spite of all of my begging and pleading, God carried out His judgement. My sin and my attempts to cover it up had caused several deaths, and much grieving. Oh, how I suddenly wished I could undo my sin. And the problems my family suffered because of my own sin. My family was in turmoil the rest of my days. It is not a pleasant story at all. One of my sons raped his sister, and another tried to steal my throne. It’s pretty difficult, if not downright impossible to tell your children how to behave and serve the Lord when you, their father, don’t live and act as you know you’re suppose to.

There have been attempts by many to try lessen my guilt of my sin of lust. In fact one Jewish tradition has it that what really happened that day on the roof was that Satan took the form of a bird and in my attempt to kill the bird, I missed and knocked over the privacy screen that had been set up. Others have tried to say that Bathsheba should have refused. But folks, I am here to tell you that I alone am responsible for my sin. I didn’t have to take that second look. I didn’t have to continue to stare and lust and scheme. I alone sent for her. I alone am responsible. Not to mention, would you have had the courage to tell the king “No”? And I alone plotted the murder of a most trusted servant, which also took the lives of several other good men.

I was an adulterer, a thief, and a murderer. But the most amazing thing is that there was still hope. When I repented, God forgave me. And in spite of my sin, and because of my repentance, God still used my relationship with Bathsheba for his glory. She later gave birth to my son, Solomon. He was the one the Lord had chosen to succeed me, and to build His temple.

It’s amazing how the Lord works. Even the most wicked can be redeemed, if only we repent and commit to following His way. If God could forgive my sin, then he will forgive any sin. All you have to do is repent and commit to following His commands.

To be sure, our actions do have natural consequences, and God seldom, if ever, relieves us of those consequences. But He does, when we repent, and follow Him, relieve us of the ultimate consequence of sin…an eternity in hell. Instead, because His Son, Jesus, paid the price of our sin by His death on the cross our sins are forgiven. Of course, His resurrection also gives us the assurance and hope of eternal life. We are now joint heirs with Christ. We are adopted as sons and daughters of the King. The Creator of the universe is our father. So please, leave your sin behind. Turn and follow after Christ. There is new life in Him. He has promised to forgive us, of only we confess sins to Him. And He’ll give us His Holy Spirit to guide us, and to help lead us away from temptation. Temptation will always find us as some point. But God gives us His Holy Spirit to show us a way out. And to show us the way back when we do sin.

The price of infidelity

/ CD Hamman / Leave a comment

Have you ever wondered how God feels when we reject Him? Or maybe even worse, when we who profess to be his people turn away from Him? One day I realized I have probably felt, as close as humanly possible, the pain that He feels when we are unfaithful to Him.

Being rejected by people is painful enough. Being rejected by people you love is even worse. But what about the rejection a spouse? Can you imagine the pain of that type of rejection and insult. Sadly, there are many of us who have experienced that pain. Now, please understand, I am not sharing this to elicit pity for myself or any other person who has experienced the pain of marital unfaithfulness. I simply believe that God has allowed me to use my experience to understand how much He truly loves us and desires a relationship with us.

It has been several years since I divorced my ex-wife. But I still remember clearly the pain that I felt when I first suspected she was cheating, as well as that when I found out for certain. It was actually the same feeling for me, but the difference was the intensity of the physical and emotionoal response.

Sadly, there are others who have experienced this pain, and their experiences are no doubt different. But I think we would all agree that there is almost nothing as painful as infidelity.

I’ll try to describe own pain. First there was this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn’t quite right. Most of us have heard the term “butterflies in the stomach,” I’m sure. Well in the case of infidelity, for me, it felt like blenders, or electric mixers had been turned on inside my stomach and were turning it inside out. Then there’s the rush of adrenaline, due, no doubt, to the human bodies built in “fight or flight” response. Of course that rush of adrenaline leads to many other physical responses. Then there is the sudden stabbing pain I felt in my heart and in my spirit. Finally a type of physical and emotional fatigue set in. The woman to whom I had pledged my love, and had given my heart had betrayed me. It crushed my spirit. It truly hurt me to the core.

Now I am not naive enough to think that any of the pain we experience comes anywhere close to the pain that God feels when we reject or walk away from Him. I can only imagine that the pain our sin causes Him is a million times worse.

Remember when I said above that there is almost nothing as painful as infidelity? Well there is a pain that is indescribably worse; there is the pain of having your child ripped away. I have experienced the pain of having my children ripped away from me. I cannot begin to describe that pain. As painful as having my children ripped from the safety of my home and arms was, the only thing I imagine can be more painful is losing my child to death.

Now I have not experienced that pain caused by the death of one of my children. And my heart goes out to those who have. But I also know that our Heavenly Father has experienced both of the pains I have experienced, as well as the pain of a Son’s death.

There is a reason that at times He refers to Israel as a wayward wife who has left her first love. There is a reason that our relationship to Christ is described in terms of marriage. God desires an intimate relationship with us, his people. We were created for that relationship and fellowship with Him. But too often we reject Him. Even worse, we often, even after we turn to Him, return to satisfying our selfish desires instead of fulfilling our vow to God. We caused Him to experience the pain of having an unfaithful spouse. Our sin caused Him to experience the pain of losing His only Son, even to the point of death. The death of a mere human could never satisfy the debt of our sin. So the Son, Jesus Christ, stepped forward.

I can only imagine that the conversation went something like this:
The Son said, “I’ll go. I will give up my own glory, and live among them. I will show them the way to live. I will be their example. Finally, I will pay the penalty for their sin. I will even suffer the indignity and humiliation of death on a cross.”
And the Father replied, “my Son, go. Stay in constant communion with me, so that my power will remain in you that you may bring me glory. Your death will satisfy the penalty for their sin. As you take their sin upon yourself on that cross I will have to look away, because I cannot look at sin. But after three days I will raise you back to life, and you will again be glorified. Your resurrection will defeat death once and for all. After you return to my side I will send my Holy Spirit to comfort and guide them. They will again be capable of enjoying eternal fellowship with us.”

So I have just two questions:
If you have not yet accepted Christ as Lord and Savior, will you now turn from your sin and accept the free gift He has given, or will you continue to reject Him.

If you have previously accepted Christ as Lord and Savior, but have since turned away, will you return to One who loves you to the point He gave up His own life for you; or will you continue in your infidelity?

Immoral government or immoral church?

/ CD Hamman / 1 Comment

Today’s Supreme Court ruling is definitely morally wrong. No real surprise there. But I must be clear on this, as much as I am against gay marriage, and as much as I believe that homosexuality is wrong and is a sin, it is just as sinful to commit adultery, yet many so called Christians are currently doing this, some openly. It is just as sinful to be a liar, and yet there are many so called Christians, including some ordained ministers, who are practicing liars. It is just as sinful to to hate another person, yet many so called Christians openly hate even those in their own church, as well as hating those who they disagree with outside the church. Yet 1 John 3:13 equates hating a brother with murder. In other words, all sin is an abomination. Yet many in the church, even those who are ordained ministers pick and choose which sins are wrong and which they will go ahead and practice.

In short, is it any wonder that our government is corrupt and immoral when the church is corrupt and immoral. Have I offended anyone yet? If so, GOOD. Our sin should offend us, just as it offends God.

Finally, having said all that, to my friends, family and even those I do not know, who have chosen lifestyles that I believe are sinful: I choose to try to be more like Christ; to love you as people who Christ loves and to continue to pray for you and be your friend and brother. My prayer is that everyone should see Christ in me, in spite of my own shortcomings and failings. And that hopefully, prayerfully, I can be a faithful representative of Christ.