Train up a child

Imagine my surprise, and horror, when I logged into my Facebook account and saw a picture of my teenage daughter giving the middle finger. I immediately posted a comment that she has not been taught to behave that way. Immediately after posting my comment a horrendous thought went through my mind: what if she had been taught to behave that way? Even worse, what if I am the one who taught her that?

Proverbs 22:6 tells us to train our children in the way they should go, and when they are old they won’t depart from it. The New Living Translation puts it this way: “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”(NLTse)

This verse has been repeating itself in my head non-stop for nearly 16 hours now. I mention this because, as much as it pains me to admit, it is likely that I taught my daughter to behave that way. All of my children have learned some atrocious behaviors from me. Yes, I taught my children the Bible stories, and all the Sunday school songs. I tried to make sure they were raised in church. But that wasn’t enough.

Where did I go wrong? The answer to that question lies not in what I told them, but what I showed them. There was a time, when my children were younger, that I frequently allowed my emotions to rule my actions, and my words. I’m embarrassed to admit that, at one time, I frequently used obscene hand gestures. You cut me off? No problem, I’d just “flip the bird.” And I did this without even thinking about it. Some of the words, and thoughts that use to come out of my mouth were horrible. I am almost 45 years old, and if I still talked like that and my mother heard it, she would proceed to vigorously wash my mouth out with soap. And she would probably still smack my hand if I flipped the bird, or made some other obscene gesture.

Now in my case, my parents did not teach me to use those gestures or words. I learned it at school from the other kids. I recall the first time I used a vulgar word. I had heard a kindergarten friend use that same word as we were walking home from school. However, when I used the word immediately after she did she said she was going to tell on me. I didn’t even know it was a bad word. I ran all the way home, locked the door and begged my mother not to open it, when the little girl knocked. Funny thing, my friend was a preacher’s kid too. And her parents were friends with my parents, so I think I can safely say that she didn’t learn that word from her parents either. I also recall that upon hearing what I had said my mom asked me where I had learned that word. She then asked if I had heard her or my dad use that word and I hadn’t. Up until that day, I hadn’t heard words like that.

Knowing that our children are exposed to these behaviors, and words and attitudes makes it even more imperative that we as parents not simply tell them how to behave, but we must also set the example. The “do as I say, not as I do” mentality is simply not the proper way to teach our children. If we are to follow the verse to train our children in the way they should go, then a large part of that training must include us behaving in the way that we expect our children to behave.

Do you want your children to respect others? Then you must be respectful toward others.
Do you want your daughters, and sons, to dress modestly? Then dress yourself appropriately.
Do you want your children to clean up after themselves, and help with the dishes? Then pick up after yourself, and show them how to do the dishes.
Do you want your children to respect you and your spouse? Then you and your spouse need to respect each other, as well as your children.
Do you want your children to learn to trust God? Then you must trust God.
We set the example. And our example for living lives that are pleasing to God is Christ.

Sometimes I wonder if the concept is too simple for us to grasp. It’s not enough to simply tell our children how to behave. We must show them how to behave. If we don’t, then we are not completing the task. If we simply tell our children how to behave, or what to do or not do, without following our own instructions, then we have failed in our mission. Our children, and their souls are too precious, and too important to only do a halfway job.

I pray that my changes didn’t come about too late for my children to benefit. I also pray that they really give themselves fully to God. Which brings me to one last important part of parenting. Our children also need to see us praying.

Thanks for the Musicals

I want to say “Thanks a lot” to those adults who have influenced me through children’s programs and musicals growing up in church. Thank you for forever filling my head with screwed up Christmas carols, strange Christmas songs, silly Easter songs and just plain fun songs. Not to mention some silly ideas that go along with said programs and musicals.

My first memory of a children’s program is when my family attended Massillon Church of the Nazarene back, sometime around the late 70′s. In any case, I seem to recall a nice lady by the name of Ruth Motz teaching us children songs, and a series of scenes that revolved around the story of Noah and the ark. I believe it was titled Get on Board, Children. This musical had songs like, “No, no, Noah,” “What do you do on a rainy day in an ark?” and “There’s gonna be rain and thunder, lots of lightning.” And of course there were scenes that included Noah’s grandkids trying to stay out trouble while looking for something to do on a rainy day, in an ark. They couldn’t even go fishing, for crying out loud. Why couldn’t they fish? Well, they only had two worms. A fact that Grandma had to remind them about. Thank you, Ruth. I still have some of those lyrics and scenes running through my mind, even today.

The next program I remember was also done at Massillon Nazarene. However, this one was directed by my mother, Barbara Hamman. The title of this one was Super Gift From Heaven. This musical took place in a toy store, and had songs like When the gifts come flowing in (to the tune of, you guessed it, When the Saints Go Marching in, of course). It included characters like Freddie Freckles (played by yours truly) and Amanda (played by my childhood “nemesis”) and a left over Easter bunny with a tear, who, with a few stitches and a new vest, is transformed into a Christmas rabbit! Whoever heard of a Christmas rabbit?! The absolute worst thing about this musical, at the time, for me, was having to look at the girl playing Amanda and tell her “You’re really pretty.” Remember, that girl was my nemesis. (Just between you and me, though, she was kinda cute. Just don’t tell my mother I finally admitted it.) I also began to learn a hard lesson with that musical. Freddie was supposed to have a solo, but the director decided it should be a duet. Well, there was no way I was singing a duet with the girl I just knew was the bane of my existence. So, I was a “gentleman,” and let her have the spotlight. Yep, pride got in my way, and I completely ignored the message, that Jesus was the best gift ever.

The next two programs, I’m not sure what order they were done in, but my mother gets the blame for the silly songs and scenes left in my head from them too. They were both done at Akron Arlington Church of the Nazarene. Now I must also bear some responsibility for these next two, because by this time I was an adult, they were done in the late 1988/1989, and I was helping my mother.

The first one was another Easter program, We Like Sheep. As you can imagine, the main characters were sheep, and the message was that Jesus is the Good Shepherd. But now I have songs with phrases like “We like sheep, we like sheep ’cause sheep is what we are. ‘Cause sheep is what we are we think they’re the best by far… we repeat we truly do like sheep.” Add to that scenes like the one between a lamb and an older sheep where the sheep says to the lamb: “Were you born yesterday?” To which the little lamb replies “last night, as a matter of fact.”

Now, for the musical that has really screwed up my brain. To this day, even when leading worship, I have a hard time singing Joy to the World correctly. The correct first line, as most of us know starts “Joy to the world, the Lord is come. Let earth receive her king.” But nope. Thanks to the musical 365 Days of Christmas, even as I look at the printed page, my brain looks at the song, hears the music and causes me to want to sing “Joy to the world, March, April, May. It’s Christmas every day.” I think there is even a song in there about Santa surfing. I also remember a scene where a girl is talking about her brother wanting a “ray gun that really ZAPS people.”

So what’s the real purpose of this little rant down memory lane. Well, because in spite of this post being disguised as a rant, I really do want to thank my mom, Barb Hamman, Ruth Motz, and all the other adults who insist on doing children’s, or teen, musicals, year after year. The season doesn’t matter. What does matter is the message. And if our minds have been filled with crazy Christmas carols, silly songs for Christmas or Easter, or just plain silly songs, well, they are cause to celebrate good memories and fun times, as we continue to serve our “great big wonderful God.” Just be patient if the next time you start to sing an old familiar hymn, or other tune, and someone starts singing some strange new words. Better yet, if those strange words seem oddly familiar, that probably means you’ve been part of a children’s musical too, so join in and sing it with the odd words, just for fun.

So again, Mom and Ruth, and all those who helped, thank you. I really am thankful.

And Shelly, if you ever read this, please accept my apology, and forgive me for being your nemesis, and possibly the bane of your childhood and early teens.