With getting ready to start a new job that will make it impossible, now may be a bit late to admit to this; but for the past 10 months I have sorely missed singing in church and leading worship. All that time chasing after a law enforcement career, and things lost, and now I realize that my heart’s desire is in music and ministry.

Why would God call me? I have no clue. I’m more like the apostle Peter than I am the apostle Paul. I’m often most likely to stand there like Peter did and brashley declare that “I’ll follow you anywhere, Lord,” then turn tail and deny Him when everything hits the fan. On top of those flaws, anyone who knows me well enough knows that I am very much an introvert who has always been afraid of public speaking. I avoided speech class in high school, and only took it in college because I had no choice.

But somehow, no matter how insecure and unsure of myself I feel, when I get on the platform to sing or to preach most of the doubt and insecurity go away. There is always still just enough remaining to make me remember to rely on Him. I have some minor vocal and facial tics that kick into high gear when I get nervous, but when I’m singing and preaching they completely disappear.

I’m praying that spending some time driving will give me some time to reflect as well as to provide a decent income and savings so that I can do something with music and ministry. In fact I can honestly say that I never expect to make money doing ministry. That’s why God has blessed me with many other talents, so that I can work at other jobs and not be a burden to a church or a ministry. In that sense, maybe I am a little like Paul. I can be a “tentmaker” to support myself wherever God leads me in ministry. And all I can truly say about my call is that God called me to preach and sing. Or maybe to sing and preach.

To anyone who reads this I simply ask you to pray for me. Pray that even in the truck, or whatever I’m doing, that I represent Christ well. Pray that doors may periodically still be open for me to sing and preach occasionally, and that I will always be ready.

Finally, I leave you with this question: What is your heart’s desire?